My motives

Things have been pretty crazy inside my head since I started this blog. Now that I have this medium I wanted to share the things most important to me, to proclaim my beliefs without shame and prompt other people to consider what they think about these issues. After finishing up my series on control and maturity a couple weeks ago and allowing myself to reflect, I realised how self righteous I sounded.

When I was writing, I had tried to communicate that I wasn’t judging/condemning others or proclaiming that I was a better person than other people because I think so much. I tried to be self-aware, but in doing so made 2 big assumptions. First that few people my age or younger would see it and that people who did read it would react ‘badly’. I expected that they’d tell me off for thinking this way or for posting it on the internet and potentially brainwashing others into this sometimes unhealthy mindset.

I wrote about how I didn’t believe ‘my way’ was the best for everyone, but then encouraged people to think more anyway. In hindsight, that doesn’t quite add up. Did I lie? Was I a hypocrite? Extending beyond the past few weeks alone; was starting this blog less selfless than I like to think, but instead just a way to fuel my ego? Do I really hold my opinions in such high regard that I consider it an act of service to spread them around the internet? Am I proud of my self-labelled ‘unpopular opinions’ simply because they cause stirring? I’m afraid of the true answers to these questions.

I hope I didn’t lie.

I hope I wasn’t a hypocrite.

I hope I’m not being selfish or egotistical in my blog posting.

But how passive is ‘hoping’? I wrote all of those things! Surely I have control over what I say enough to do more than just hope that I was truthful, right? Unfortunately, I don’t think I have that much control. Yes, I control what I say; I can filter myself or stay silent if I choose. But in my case, that’s definitely hypocrisy. All I’ve tried to promote since starting here is to know what you believe and then cultivate it. So while I don’t intend to go about looking for trouble by saying what I believe, neither will I lie to prevent it. I can’t control how anyone reacts to what I publicly say.

So from now, I’ll still respect ‘negative’ reactions to my opinions, but I will work to stop thinking of myself so highly that I expect people to be so shaken by my thoughts that they feel they simply must put me in my place. I’m not all that, I’m just a hobby blogger. If people disagree with me, they are just as free to go on and ignore me as they are to make a comment. So please don’t feel pressure to ‘answer’ me here; as much as I love feedback, I appreciate that you have things to do. I hope you all have a productive day!

One thought on “My motives

  1. The difference between hypocrites is those who know they are and those who deny so, we are all hypocrites somewhere down the line. Keep being a hobby blogger and encouraging people to look into what they believe, far too few do. Good reflection though 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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