Happy Birthday Scrooge

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

It’s official – I’m old.

I don’t actually consider myself old, but I have reached the point that most adults do, where you no longer look forward to your own birthday. I experienced that for the first time this week – I turned 19 and found myself wishing that I could just skip my birthday. A shocking realisation for me more than anyone else. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to get older, I just didn’t want to celebrate. I wanted to get on with my day without it being a big deal. I had assignments to write, lectures to watch and calls to make!

I was the Ebenezer Scrooge of my own birthday. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but it was certainly a shift from all my past birthdays I can remember. It changed a little bit once I actually woke up on my birthday. I’d been feeling nasty about it the past few days, but starting the day wasn’t as bad as I feared. I did put off getting out of bed when I woke up, but there was no fanfare that I’d been fearing when I emerged from my room. My siblings were getting ready for school as normal, I got extra hugs and happy birthdays and then it all returned to normal. I had breakfast, went to the shops and had my Bible study just like any other Monday. I don’t know what I was worried about. I just went about my day, getting my tasks done with sprinklings of happy birthday texts coming through as I progressed.

I don’t feel the need to mourn the days when I got excited leading up to my birthday. Writing this now, it sounds very silly – like I’m writing off having fun for the rest of my life. I’m comfortable with the fact that my idea of fun is changing, glad of it even.

Do I have any point here? Not a firm one. I guess the point could be that, you shouldn’t be afraid to change as you get older. You aren’t losing yourself, you’re just changing. There is no superior, original, blueprint of yourself that you must maintain. The reality of life is that our life shapes us and we do change. But we change into ourselves, not away from ourselves. You are who you were, but you’re also who you are.

Stay safe,

Stephanie

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