When you get a spare second, what does your brain do? When you don’t have any tasks left or you take a break for a while, what are your daydreams like?
I feel like there must be some significance or meaning behind our subconscious thoughts. What does it mean if they go to a certain person, task, memory or emotion? Are you at peace in this place of emptiness? Or are you in turmoil, longing for something to do?
Lately my mind keeps returning to a strange place, where I drift between thinking about everything I need to do and everything I want to do, just listing things off endlessly. It usually ends with me feeling uncomfortable and unmotivated to do anything, not even trying to cheer myself up. It can be hard to drag myself out of that place of lethargy, but I can usually do it by talking things through with people I trust. But I don’t always do this, often I pull myself down further first by retreating into my head or mindlessly wasting time on social media.
I don’t understand this self-sabotage I continue to cultivate. I don’t know why I let myself rest in despair. I don’t enjoy it, I don’t know what good it could possibly be achieving at the time. But the result of it, I can see at least some upside to. It pushes me to put some effort into interacting with my friends, and to seek the support I need.
I don’t know how to stop my mind going to that unhappy place, but I pray that I will be given the strength to get out of there before I get stuck. I pray that if you struggle with this too, you will pick yourself up and get back into life. I pray that you will be able to find the support that you need and that you will be forgiving with yourself if you can’t pull yourself out of a rut immediately.